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It has been brought to my attention that my last post about turning off the computer and playing with my kid came across as judgy.
Let me be perfectly clear. I was only judging myself.
Last week, my little teething angel came up to me and tried to get my attention while I was online. I tickled her belly, pointed out a toy across the room and continued reading my Twitter stream. She came over again and bashed my laptop with her purple stuffed bunny and looked mad as hell.
And I got angry.
I was, and still am, crazy tired. This has been a household that has gotten little to no sleep in the last week or so and it’s been rough. Molars suck. But that’s a crummy excuse.
I peeled myself away from the drama I was witnessing online, which was amusing but infuriating, to give some snuggles. And it was totally worth it. I felt like a giant ass for getting mad at my toddler because three people I didn’t really know were having an ignorant word war online.
I felt horrible so I wrote about it.
I needed to talk and have met nobody here I can call a friend yet. The time difference leaves me feeling disconnected from my friends in the States but I had to get it off my chest. So I told my blog. And apparently one of my five readers took offense. And shared with their friends.
I awoke to no less than 10 DM’s from a couple of hateful people.
Reading mean messages after getting 2 hours of sleep is pretty rough. I’m not going to lie, I cried. Sobbed, actually. Like a baby. For a good, long time.
Listen, I’m not here to judge anyone. That’s not the purpose of my blog. I’m just trying to find my way in a new place. I’m documenting what my family eats because I enjoy cooking. I’m writing about trying to lose a whole bucketful of weight, because I need to be held accountable and I want to try to gain a support system. I share what I do.
I’m really envious of the mama’s out there that have kids that will give them an hour or so of peace during the day. One day, we’ll get there. She’ll play, I’ll play online. But we’re not there yet.
I don’t get time to myself and my husband is working 60-70 hours a week. I need a break. As it is, I almost always need to stay up late after my husband and daughter have both gone to bed in order for me to complete a blog post.
Except for now, because I’m lucky and my girl is taking a nap that is longer than 30 minutes.
I don’t want to whine because I have a lucky life. We were able to afford for me to stay home. But that doesn’t make my life perfect. And I have feelings too. Please be respectful of them, even if you don’t like what I happen to be talking about.
I am addicted to the internet. I window shop. I enjoy following my twitter stream. I play FarmVille because I love all the little animals and I love that Lauren walks up to the screen, points to them and makes little animal sounds. That being said, I didn’t realize how difficult going a week without access would be. The first couple of days were pretty nice. I unpacked our suitcases. I played with Lauren out on the deck. I read. But then I started getting twitchy. I wanted to check out what was in my reader. I missed seeing the pictures that my twitter friends post of their kids. I missed chatting with my family and friends.
Now, I’m all connected again and am thankful to see I have a reader that is chock full of updates that will take me a week or more to read (1000+! Yikes!!) and that twitter is still buzzing with pictures of the most adorable babies I have ever seen.
I’m still not sure exactly what I’m going to use my space here for but I’m happy to be back and connected. Homesickness has hit me really hard the last few days and as corny as it sounds, the internet makes me feel closer to home.